One year ago my husband and I flew halfway around the world to visit our number one bucket list destination: Scotland. Now that we’ve been back stateside for a full trip around the sun…all we can think about is how much we want to return to the land that feels like it’s become part of who we are.
I look back on the pictures and the only tiny negative feature that pokes at my brain from time to time is that we went at the beginning of spring. The grass is mostly dead or an annoying shade of dirty yellow without any signs of new life bursting up from the dirt. Many of the trees are bare, and there’s just SO MUCH brown. As a person who loves to travel I can look at the images and rejoice that we got to visit such a beautiful place, but the photographer in my head is often (just ever so slightly) rolling her eyes going, “Yeah dude but in summer those colors would be POPPIN!!”
After the artistic part of my brain has gotten to say her petty (and spoiled) whine about the colors, I take a deep satisfying breath and tell myself that no matter the foliage, I was there. I stood on the ground and breathed the air of a place I never thought I would actually be able to go.
So yes, my first choice would have been to see the awe and beauty of the full picture, Scotland in all its glory. But, because I had just had a turn to travel in 2019 with my best friend, this 2020 trip was Seth’s turn. (We developed a travel plan in which we take turns each year and go somewhere exciting with a friend since it's more financially feasible that way) I had somehow been the one chosen to be his plus one, so I wanted him to have more control than me about the exact timing of our trip. After he researched the weather and temps in Scotland for Jan-April and we prayed together about the timing, we decided that the first week of March would give us the best chance of not freezing our tooshes off and also provide a sooner rather than later arrival date. We looked up flights, confirmed with Grandma and Grandpa that they really were willing to watch our children for 9 days, and then..it was all official. A round-trip adventure to Scotland had suddenly gone from “maybe someday” to a finalized schedule in our calendars.
Even though Seth made it known many times that this was “our trip” and not just his trip I was tagging along on, I still felt like it was my duty to do what I could to make sure we did the trip the way he wanted to do it. I’ll be the first to admit that I am an un-ashamed control freak. With that acceptance comes the necessity to know if and when I may need to set down that part of myself for the sake of someone else (in this case, my husband).
The typical execution for my brain-style would have been to create charts, diagrams and an endless amount of pros and cons lists compiling all the necessary must-see sights Scotland had to offer. I’m the kind of person who might get a really great idea for a birthday present for Seth or one of my kids, and will then meticulously plan ahead so that I can be prepared on the day of celebration. My heart feels a fulfilling amount of joy to then have a meaningful well thought out gift I can place in my loved ones hands. On other trips I have taken in my life I have researched local restaurants, price checked different outings and read reviews online of the must-see attractions. Based on my past tendencies, I should have already been 3/4 of the way done with my OWN dang book about Scotland because I would have researched that baby SO HARD. But, after feeling God’s gentle reminder on my sprit to NOT go all Shan-Crazy on planning this vacation, I settled into the contentment of knowing I was about to embark on an overseas adventure with my favorite person.
In order to try and hold myself in check to my commitment of not going into preparation overload, I asked Seth tons of questions about what he wanted the trip to look like. His answer remained the same throughout most of my interrogations: He just wanted to go there with me. He didn’t want too much of a plan and wanted to be able to just be. I heard that request loud and clear so I took the cue from my husband and gave myself a figurative chill pill. I didn’t plan and we just got on a plane and flew across the ocean to a land that had previously only existed in our eyes through film, pictures, and stories.
On the trip we fell into a natural rhythm of planning out each day the night before. On a whim I had bought Seth a couple travel books about Scotland and they ended up being a Godsend when we arrived to our remote two-person cabin in the middle of the Scottish Highlands. We had been told we would have reliable internet service, but, we were literally in the middle of a glenn with sheep roaming across the roads. So, when the internet connection turned out to be a bit spotty at best, we weren’t too surprised. Those books became the cornerstone of our planning sessions. I sat in one of the oversized armchairs by the wood burning fireplace and crocheted myself a new winter beanie (I was in dire need of a hat due to the chilly temps being quite colder than I had anticipated) and Seth sat in the chair next to me combing through his books, looking for our next adventure. On the evening of our second night he was perusing the chapters that offered information on castles and popular historical sights. And then suddenly he perked up in his chair as he exclaimed that the infamous railway bridge highlighted in the Harry Potter movies was actually only about an hour drive away from where we were staying. I was quickly adapting to Seth’s more natural “go with the flow” attitude so without any other questions or research I responded without even looking up from my yarn work and said, “Yes! Let’s do that.” He began to go into more detail and describe other cool sights in the same area but I was in need of no more convincing. I let him continue a few more lines and then as he paused in anticipation to get more of an elaborate opinion from me I simply glanced up at him and said, “Babe, you had me at Harry Potter. Let’s go.”
I’ve been a Harry Potter fan since high school and am now in the middle of reading the series to my children. Even though our desire to visit Scotland was about so much more than my love for the wizarding world, it was still extremely exciting to find out we were going to see one of the filming locations for the movies. We arrived the next morning, chilly and clinging to our travel coffee mugs as if they were tiny heaters nestled into the crooks of our hands. It was colder here than I thought it would be. But here, the cold didn’t bother me the way it does in the midwest. At home I feel the cold and frigidity mock me with its endless onslaught of annoyance and frustration. In Scotland it seemed not even a bone-chilling foggy morning could dampen my spirits.
We emerged from our car and felt the misty morning envelope us as we stepped toward our adventure of the day. After a quick 360 degree spin we saw the parking meter, the visitor center, and of course the Harry Potter railway. Its actual name is called the Glenfinnan Viaduct and it existed long before Harry and his friends used it as their means to travel from London to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We both smiled as our eyes took in the expansive viaduct and I giggled a bit as we tried to figure out where to go to get a better view. We headed toward the visitor center and quickly saw that there was a sloping hill behind the building. The top of the hill would clearly give the viewer the best possible angle from which to admire the railway so we quickly headed in that direction.
The ground below us was a little uneven, not treacherous by any means, but a bit slippery. Being that I am known far too well for my less than steady footing, I kept my eyes glued to the ground and calculated each step. I didn’t want to go getting my brand new plaid jacket dirty on only day two of the trip. As we neared the halfway point of the slope the path suddenly turned sharply to the left as it continued to veer up the side of the hill. I was anticipating a quick turn and change of footing but as I glanced ahead of me I saw that Seth had stopped moving and was staring off to this right. The viaduct was on our left and when we were on the ground, level with the visitor center, we hadn’t been able to see what was on the right across from the parking lot. There was a road on that side of the visitor center so I think we both just assumed there wasn’t anything over there important enough to pay attention to. I quickly shifted my weight so that I could plant myself in a firm position but before I could look up I heard Seth exclaim, “Oh my gosh! That’s where Hogwarts is!” Confused for a moment, because in real life the Hogwarts castle doesn’t exist, I shot my head up to take in the view he was seeing.
I couldn’t breathe. There have been very rare moments in my life where I have seen something that has literally taken my breath away.
This was one of them.
I don’t even know if I can completely explain why I had such a physical reaction to seeing this view because to anyone else this might just look like a peaceful tranquil lake with a few mountains on each side. Big deal right? But my heart felt so much more when I took it all in. I felt God’s presence. His Majesty was thick in the air, as heavy as the fog that surrounded us. Maybe that’s why I love this land so deeply. Much of it has been untouched and untainted by human corruption and the thirst for always wanting more. I looked out at Loch Shiel and I didn’t have to try to see past all the destruction and warping that humans have a knack for creating. Instead I stood there breathless and felt God calmly proclaiming, “I am here.”
When we made our plans to visit the Glennfinnan Viaduct we had no idea we would also be visiting the backdrop for the Magical Harry Potter castle. What a gift it was as an over planner and over thinker to get to be genuinely surprised by something so grand. I’m often weighed down by my compulsive need to know every angle and possibility, so to be surprised by the majestic sight of Loch Shiel felt as if God had wrapped up a personalized present and said, “Here Shan, I knew this would bless you.” All the thought and effort I sometimes put into giving my loved ones gifts was now engulfing me, full force. God had specifically and intentionally set aside this moment for me.
After the initial shock and lack of being able to expel air from my lungs, I then clapped my hands over my mouth and all the girly over-the-top squeals erupted from my chest.
When Seth and I prayed about the timing of our trip, for some reason, we felt at peace about the first week of March 2020. Do you remember how at the beginning of this story I confessed that if I had planned this trip with full control of what I thought was best, I initially wanted to wait and take our trip when we could see all the leaves and bright green grass? Initially I had thrown out that summer or fall would be a much prettier time to visit. The summer or fall of the year 20freaking20.
If I had pushed for my vibrant colors with fields of purple heather and warmer temps, I would still be sitting here waiting for that day to come.
After having such an unprecedented year with an unheard of amount of time spent hiding from my kids and crying in the pantry, I had countless moments when a memory from Scotland would come sailing into my brain. Sometimes the remembrance made me cry a little harder because I missed it, but oftentimes it brought me peace. I’m extremely blessed that I got to begin an insanely hard year of sheltering at home having literally just returned from a place full of wonder and amazement. That view of Loch Shiel was an image that sealed itself into my heart. Throughout the months that followed our return I got to reopen my gift from God over and over again. As we persevered through a challenging season of life, I would close my eyes and remember what if felt like to stand in front of that incredible view. I pictured the way the mountains hugged the side of the loch and how the mist gradually disappeared over the horizon. I would picture myself in that exact same spot where I felt breathless and at peace. All the chaos going on around me with the lockdowns and quarantining would dim, ever so slightly, as I worked to remind myself that I have a God who loves me so deeply that He set aside this priceless gift for me in Scotland.
As I would continue to let that memory wash over me, I would picture myself standing in front of Loch Shiel, very still, my feet rooted to the ground and soak in the peacefulness of God’s presence. What the dirt was lacking in new growth and life was now embodied in me as I drank in the nourishment I needed from God, the Light. During the darkest times of 2020, the strength I would pull from that memory was oftentimes the catalyst that propelled me forward to continue to persevere through an incredibly challenging year. God is truly amazing in how He works and how He blesses His children.
Life is a view of Loch Shiel.
Blessings,
Shanna MacKenzie
