As everyone knows, pregnant women
are known for having an overflow of emotions. The tiniest thing going wrong can
reduce us to a tearful puddle. One of my pups chewed a hole in my black stretchy pants and I'm not even kidding, I cried about it while I blubbered to Seth that I was so sad because they were the only pants I have that fit anymore. A few months into the pregnancy I got sad a
couple times and I couldn’t figure out why. It was a pretty intense feeling
that I couldn’t ignore. I would go through a list in my head of potential
things in my life that could be making me feel sad. Why didn’t I just know
right away what was upsetting me? As I tried to identify the kind of sadness I
was feeling I realized it was how you feel when you miss someone with your whole
heart and the only thing you want is to have that person near you. But who was
I missing?
One night as I was trying to fall
asleep it happened again, so this time I did something proactive and started
praying. I asked God why I felt like my heart was missing something. After
asking the Lord I finally got some clarity. It may sound a little crazy but I
was missing my child. Yes that’s the crazy part. I’ve been missing someone who
hasn’t even been born yet. This little person is supposed to be in my life. The
closer I get to my due date the more it just feels right. About a year after
Brendon and I got married we said it was hard to remember what life was like
before we met, because being together felt so right. I know that adding this
little one to our family will feel like the same thing. I’ll take one look at
him/her and say to myself, “How did we ever go on in life without you?”
Last week I was chatting with a
woman at church who told me she had a similar experience when she looked at her
child for the first time. Before
she had her first child she was always thinking about all the ways in which her
life was about to change. As she was reflecting on all the changes that were
about to come she said there was one thing she completely underestimated, and
that was just how much you love that little person. The entire time I’ve always
been thinking about how our lives
will change. Making a quick, uncomplicated run to Target to get toothpaste may
be a bit more challenging, and having a quiet, uninterrupted conversation with a
friend over coffee will probably only happen if I get a babysitter. But this
woman reminded me just how much I won’t care about giving up those things. This
little person is going to require all my energy, strength, and love and I know
I will give all of it unconditionally. I know I’ll need breaks just like any
other human being, but that’s what husbands and grandparents are for right?
As soon as I hit week 37 I reached a whole new level of being uncomfortable. I thought I had been uncomfortable since I started my third
trimester, but as of last week I know that I previously didn’t know the meaning
of the word. My back muscles feel like they are on fire. At the chiropractor I
found out one of my ribs had slipped out of place. That may explain the inferno
I am experiencing! I now fully understand why some women get so irritable at
the end. Pretty soon I will be the crazy lady screaming, “Get this baby out of
me!!” I’ve also decided to issue a very strict rule to the people in my life
who I interact with on a regular basis. From this point on, my closest family
and friends are no longer allowed to use the following three phrases around me,
“I’m so hot." "I’m so tired.” and “I’m so uncomfortable.” So far on the
outside I’ve kept calm for the most part, but in my brain I am screaming, “You
think YOU are uncomfortable?? Carrying a baby in my belly here!!”
Blessings,
Shantastic :)
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