Week 37: Worrier extraordinaire

When I was in high school and had to take those career tests I was always joking with my friends that my number one career choice wasn’t listed. I’m sure “stay-at-home mom” didn’t quite make the list because there is no income to be earned other than love and memories. Since I wasn’t quite ready to be a stay-at-home mom at 18, I prayed about my future and felt led to pursue teaching. I also had a nagging desire on my heart to study photography. I think at the time I was supposed to get an education to be a teacher and even though I could have studied photography on the side, I think I was too scared to try.

While Seth and I lived in San Diego I worked as a teacher and played around with photography when I had time. When I thought about the future, I always worried about how I would be able to achieve my ultimate goal of staying home with my children. How would that ever be possible financially? I was willing to give up every luxury and non-essential thing from our lives, but even that wouldn’t have been enough for us to pay the bills on one income. Whenever Seth and I would have “the talk” about children I always came back to the worry I felt about having to miss out on raising our kids. One day Seth finally asked me, “Do you feel called to be a stay-at-home mom?” I said yes and he replied, “Then you don’t have to worry about it not happening.”

At the time I heard his words but didn’t let them sink in. I've always struggled with not letting my inner "worry-wart" take over and I still thought I had to come up with a solution. I would spend hours researching “work from home” jobs and crunching numbers in our budget. My biggest concern always came back to the finances. 

God definitely used our years in San Diego to teach me about His provision. We had seasons of financial security and times when I only bought milk and cereal at the grocery store to hold us over until payday. But even in our times of trial, we always ate, always had a safe bed to sleep in, and always had each other.

There is one instance where God provided for us in a pretty miraculous way. A couple years ago we were feeling led to look into buying a townhouse in San Diego. We didn’t know if that meant we were actually supposed to buy something, or just go through the process of looking. As we were feeling called to do this we found out our lease was almost up, and we didn’t want to commit to something if we were going to be moving. In order to rent month-to-month our rent would increase pretty significantly. At the same time we also had very expensive plane tickets we needed to buy for our upcoming visit to the Midwest. As we talked and prayed about it, we couldn’t ignore the urging we felt from God. We decided we would rent month-to-month for six months, be extremely careful with our finances, and then reassess. We went to the leasing office and explained our plan to them. On our way back from the office we stopped at the mailbox. Seth had received a letter from a dear friend of his. As he read the letter, all of a sudden he gasped and tears started streaming down his face. I quickly ran over to him with concern in my eyes. He handed me the letter that to paraphrase said, “God told me to give this to you. I have no idea why, but He does.” Then Seth handed me a check that was for the exact amount we needed to cover our plane tickets and extra rent charges.

Getting random checks in the mail is not something that happens everyday. But when it did happen to us it proved to me that when God has a plan and we are willing, nothing will get in His way. 

How I’m feeling this week:

I’m still resonating on my post from two weeks ago,Week 34-35: Insomnia and a face full of snow, where I talked about who this baby will be. Will he/she be shy, outgoing, organized, creative? It’s such a cool experience to love someone with your whole heart who you don’t even know. No matter who or what this person turns out to be, he/she will be loved unconditionally forever and always.

Had God ever provided for you in a way that totally blew your mind? 

Blessings,

Shantastic :)