Week 40: A tuna sandwich told me I was pregnant

I wrote this blog post last week because I was hoping I would be too busy on Thursday to write an entry. I’ve been told they have wireless in the hospital so I thought if I already had week 40 written I could take a break between contractions and just hit ‘post new entry” and not have to skip a week. It turns out, I’m not busy at all. I know the majority of first time moms go past their due date so I’m really not surprised. Tomorrow is my due date and I have a feeling it might be a little anti-climatic! What can I say? I have a pretty awesome uterus. Why would anyone want to leave it?

This week I am giving you a flashback to the, “Oh my gosh we’re going to have a baby” moment that changed everything. 

It was the middle of December and Seth and I had recently started trying to get pregnant. I was on full alert with my body and paying attention to every little symptom. On around December 12^th I remember I made a lame joke to Seth that I was feeling a funny fluttering feeling on the left side of my uterus. I said it was either my body gearing up for menstrual cramps or our baby was attaching to the left side of my uterine wall. I was completely kidding about being able to feel the fertilized egg attach to my uterus. I was just trying to find a light-hearted way to tell Seth that I was pretty sure I was going to be getting my period soon.

However, throughout that week I noticed a couple more symptoms that were just enough to make me curious. I had two dizzy spells and when I was about to take a bite of my oatmeal on Wednesday I had a 20 second wave of nausea. Also throughout the week I kept feeling that same fluttering on my left side. On Thursday morning the fluttering was so strong that I started Googling what it could mean. Of course you can diagnose yourself with anything after doing an Internet search, so I was finding sources telling me I was feeling implantation cramps. It was a little hard to believe that I would actually be able to feel that happening, but I was hoping I was pregnant, so I didn’t want to completely discount it.

For dinner that night Seth made us Tuna sandwiches. I started feeling nauseous after I finished my sandwich but I didn’t think too much of it at first. I don’t eat Tuna very often so maybe it just wasn’t agreeing with me. Then my brain started going into a crazy overdrive as I started tallying up all the weird things that had been happening to me that week. I also realized I hadn’t felt any of the “day before” period cramps and my always punctual period was scheduled for the following day.

I decided on impulse that I would just go take a test so I could stop my brain from going crazy. I am one of those girls who always imagines how the significant events in my life will play out. When we started trying to get pregnant I envisioned all the different ways we could find out we were pregnant. Should I take the test without Seth so I could surprise him in an extravagant way? Should we take the test together and jump up and down simultaneously?

In my impulsive moment I didn’t tell Seth I was going to take a test because I figured I was just making everything up in my head. I thought I would take the test, see it was negative, and apologize afterward for wasting $8.00. I took the test and as I waited the two minutes for it to process I prayed and I remember saying, “Lord, the timing of this is in your hands and it’s ok if I’m not pregnant.” I was setting myself up for disappointment so I wouldn’t be too sad when it undoubtedly only had one pink line. I picked up the test and saw two very distinct lines. I remember I gasped, put my hand over my mouth, and smiled up at myself in the mirror as if I was celebrating with someone! It was so dorky!

When I ran out of the bathroom Seth was sitting in an armchair looking up sports scores. The poor guy got ambushed! I sprinted over to him and fell to my knees at his side. I was bawling as I shoved the test in his face. He did the fastest double take I have ever seen anyone do and said, “Huh? What is that? Wait? ARE YOU PREGNANT????” I just kept crying and shaking my head yes. He jumped up, threw his fists in the air and started running laps around the living room while he screamed, “WOOOOOOO!”

Since Seth’s parents live in San Diego and we wouldn’t be seeing them until closer to Christmas, he called them right away to share the news. We were going down to see my parents and brother the next day to celebrate Christmas so I hatched a plan of how we would tell them. I went out and bought three onesies and wrapped one up for each of them. When we got to my parents’ house I couldn’t even make eye contact with my mom. I just kept bouncing around from room to room waiting for my dad and brother to get home. My heart was racing with excitement and I felt like I was on the verge of just spilling everything to her.

Once my dad and brother arrived I tried to steer us to opening presents right away. I accessed the best “lying” skills I have and said Seth and I had a couple joke gifts that we should start with because they were just for fun. I said they all had to open them at the same time. My brother got his open first and I saw his eyes shoot up to me as his whole body started to jump off the couch. Then he saw my parents were still working on their wrapping paper and he froze waiting for them to finish. My dad got his open next and he exploded from his chair thrusting his onesie in the air. At this point my mom was getting really confused because she had seen my brother start to react and then was trying to figure out why my dad was crying. Then she looked back down at her box that was finally open and she started clapping and screaming.

Telling Seth and then telling my family were two of the best moments of my life. I have a feeling that there will be another moment to add to that list very soon. One of my dearest friends who is a mother of four sent me a text this week that said,  “There is nothing like this experience for a woman. You are going to be amazed at the love that pours over you and the fullness that you feel in your heart when you hold that precious baby.”

To say I am excited is a complete and total understatement.

What was it like for you when you got to share the big news?

To those of you who have joined me as I let my inner-monologue run wild, I want to say thank you. Writing this blog has been one of the most enjoyable parts of this whole pregnancy. It’s been such a treat to enjoy this life stage with you. I am going to continue writing every week and instead of writing about how my little one has hijacked my body, I will get to share with you how he/she has hijacked my life…in a good way.  

Blessings,

Shantastic 

Week 39: Clean up on aisle 7

Seth and I now live in a world where we are waiting for our entire lives to change. Everyday we wake up and think, “Will this be the day that everything changes?” Braxton Hicks has decided to make a permanent residence in my belly, which has left Seth and I questioning if every cramp and contraction is the real thing or just our old friend Braxton. For about a week I have been getting mild to moderate period-like cramps. I read that if you are feeling a contraction and when you lay down it gets better then it's just a Braxton Hicks one. Apparently when you start feeling the real thing there's nothing you can do to get it to go away! The other night I was feeling the most intense contractions I have to date. Seth was on the couch and I started to walk over to him to have him feel how tight my belly was. It was the first time I actually thought I might be having a real contraction. Then as I was almost to the couch I remembered the laying down trick so I shouted, "Wait! I have an idea!" and just dropped to the floor in the fetal position. The cramping and tightening instantly subsided and as we laughed at my ungraceful technique we knew it must not be time yet. 

I’ve also been having hunger pains like a pubescent teenage boy. So I guess what we can learn from this is that the last few weeks of pregnancy are very much the same as having PMS. Except it lasts longer than a couple days and you don’t just “feel” fat, you have gained a good 25-30 pounds (at least) and are carrying around the proof in your belly. At this point a little food therapy indulgence just might be necessary. Please pass the Doritos.

I’m apprehensive to call anyone these days because I don’t want them to get excited and think I’m calling because it’s baby time. I tried sending my mom a warning text telling her I was about to call but it’s not about the baby. It didn’t work because she said all she saw was the word baby and started freaking out anyways. I feel the same anxiousness even though I am trying to contain it for my own sanity’s sake. On Tuesday I went grocery shopping and thought that with the way life goes sometimes it would make the most sense for my water to break there, right in aisle seven while I’m picking out cereal. I think that’s a legitimate worry for most full term pregnant women. Of course we have no control over it, but it would still be mortifying! Sorry, grown woman who looks like I've just peed my pants here! I’ve tried my best to prepare for a public surprise by having my overnight hospital bag in my trunk since the beginning of August.

Even though I get more excited everyday to meet our little one, I’m enjoying being a stay-at-home who is preparing for a baby. It’s been a huge blessing to feel like I have time to get every little thing ready. During my first week of being home I didn’t allow myself to take breaks because I didn’t want to be lazy. If my husband is out in the world working all day, how can I justify laying around on the couch in my sweats? I caught myself making lists of all the tasks I had completed so that I could prove I had been productive. This week I have finally realized that God has given me a gift and I need to take advantage of it. I’ve been given the gift of rest and I need to balance my need to be productive with the relaxation my body is craving.

When I go out I’ve noticed that when women smile at me as they walk by they give me one of two very distinct looks. The first look is from the women who have a smile that reaches their eyes and you can almost feel their heart bursting with maternal love. It’s as if they want to shout, “OH YAY! You’re pregnant! Isn’t it the most magical thing you’ve ever experienced?!” Then there are the other women who smile without showing their teeth and I swear they are trying to tell me telepathically, “I know you think you’re really uncomfortable, but you have no idea. You’re in for a world of pain sucker!” After I become a member of the mommy club I hope I can look at other pregnant women with the maternal joy and not feel the urge to tell them telepathically how painful it is going to be!

As I enter my 39^th week of pregnancy I’ll try to put down the Doritos and bust out the celery. I’ll continue to put up with my old pal Braxton and walk around public places with a little bit of fear that I will leak bodily fluids on the floor. And most of all, I’ll just keep waiting for my life to change.

What was it like for you when you were almost at the end and had to keep waiting?

Blessings,

Shantastic :) 

Week 38: I miss you..wait, who are you?

As everyone knows, pregnant women are known for having an overflow of emotions. The tiniest thing going wrong can reduce us to a tearful puddle. One of my pups chewed a hole in my black stretchy pants and I'm not even kidding, I cried about it while I blubbered to Seth that I was so sad because they were the only pants I have that fit anymore. A few months into the pregnancy I got sad a couple times and I couldn’t figure out why. It was a pretty intense feeling that I couldn’t ignore. I would go through a list in my head of potential things in my life that could be making me feel sad. Why didn’t I just know right away what was upsetting me? As I tried to identify the kind of sadness I was feeling I realized it was how you feel when you miss someone with your whole heart and the only thing you want is to have that person near you. But who was I missing?  

One night as I was trying to fall asleep it happened again, so this time I did something proactive and started praying. I asked God why I felt like my heart was missing something. After asking the Lord I finally got some clarity. It may sound a little crazy but I was missing my child. Yes that’s the crazy part. I’ve been missing someone who hasn’t even been born yet. This little person is supposed to be in my life. The closer I get to my due date the more it just feels right. About a year after Brendon and I got married we said it was hard to remember what life was like before we met, because being together felt so right. I know that adding this little one to our family will feel like the same thing. I’ll take one look at him/her and say to myself, “How did we ever go on in life without you?”

Last week I was chatting with a woman at church who told me she had a similar experience when she looked at her child for the first time.  Before she had her first child she was always thinking about all the ways in which her life was about to change. As she was reflecting on all the changes that were about to come she said there was one thing she completely underestimated, and that was just how much you love that little person. The entire time I’ve always been thinking about how our lives will change. Making a quick, uncomplicated run to Target to get toothpaste may be a bit more challenging, and having a quiet, uninterrupted conversation with a friend over coffee will probably only happen if I get a babysitter. But this woman reminded me just how much I won’t care about giving up those things. This little person is going to require all my energy, strength, and love and I know I will give all of it unconditionally. I know I’ll need breaks just like any other human being, but that’s what husbands and grandparents are for right?

As soon as I hit week 37 I reached a whole new level of being uncomfortable. I thought I had been uncomfortable since I started my third trimester, but as of last week I know that I previously didn’t know the meaning of the word. My back muscles feel like they are on fire. At the chiropractor I found out one of my ribs had slipped out of place. That may explain the inferno I am experiencing! I now fully understand why some women get so irritable at the end. Pretty soon I will be the crazy lady screaming, “Get this baby out of me!!” I’ve also decided to issue a very strict rule to the people in my life who I interact with on a regular basis. From this point on, my closest family and friends are no longer allowed to use the following three phrases around me, “I’m so hot."  "I’m so tired.” and “I’m so uncomfortable.” So far on the outside I’ve kept calm for the most part, but in my brain I am screaming, “You think YOU are uncomfortable?? Carrying a baby in my belly here!!”

Blessings,

Shantastic :) 

Week 37: Worrier extraordinaire

When I was in high school and had to take those career tests I was always joking with my friends that my number one career choice wasn’t listed. I’m sure “stay-at-home mom” didn’t quite make the list because there is no income to be earned other than love and memories. Since I wasn’t quite ready to be a stay-at-home mom at 18, I prayed about my future and felt led to pursue teaching. I also had a nagging desire on my heart to study photography. I think at the time I was supposed to get an education to be a teacher and even though I could have studied photography on the side, I think I was too scared to try.

While Seth and I lived in San Diego I worked as a teacher and played around with photography when I had time. When I thought about the future, I always worried about how I would be able to achieve my ultimate goal of staying home with my children. How would that ever be possible financially? I was willing to give up every luxury and non-essential thing from our lives, but even that wouldn’t have been enough for us to pay the bills on one income. Whenever Seth and I would have “the talk” about children I always came back to the worry I felt about having to miss out on raising our kids. One day Seth finally asked me, “Do you feel called to be a stay-at-home mom?” I said yes and he replied, “Then you don’t have to worry about it not happening.”

At the time I heard his words but didn’t let them sink in. I've always struggled with not letting my inner "worry-wart" take over and I still thought I had to come up with a solution. I would spend hours researching “work from home” jobs and crunching numbers in our budget. My biggest concern always came back to the finances. 

God definitely used our years in San Diego to teach me about His provision. We had seasons of financial security and times when I only bought milk and cereal at the grocery store to hold us over until payday. But even in our times of trial, we always ate, always had a safe bed to sleep in, and always had each other.

There is one instance where God provided for us in a pretty miraculous way. A couple years ago we were feeling led to look into buying a townhouse in San Diego. We didn’t know if that meant we were actually supposed to buy something, or just go through the process of looking. As we were feeling called to do this we found out our lease was almost up, and we didn’t want to commit to something if we were going to be moving. In order to rent month-to-month our rent would increase pretty significantly. At the same time we also had very expensive plane tickets we needed to buy for our upcoming visit to the Midwest. As we talked and prayed about it, we couldn’t ignore the urging we felt from God. We decided we would rent month-to-month for six months, be extremely careful with our finances, and then reassess. We went to the leasing office and explained our plan to them. On our way back from the office we stopped at the mailbox. Seth had received a letter from a dear friend of his. As he read the letter, all of a sudden he gasped and tears started streaming down his face. I quickly ran over to him with concern in my eyes. He handed me the letter that to paraphrase said, “God told me to give this to you. I have no idea why, but He does.” Then Seth handed me a check that was for the exact amount we needed to cover our plane tickets and extra rent charges.

Getting random checks in the mail is not something that happens everyday. But when it did happen to us it proved to me that when God has a plan and we are willing, nothing will get in His way. 

How I’m feeling this week:

I’m still resonating on my post from two weeks ago,Week 34-35: Insomnia and a face full of snow, where I talked about who this baby will be. Will he/she be shy, outgoing, organized, creative? It’s such a cool experience to love someone with your whole heart who you don’t even know. No matter who or what this person turns out to be, he/she will be loved unconditionally forever and always.

Had God ever provided for you in a way that totally blew your mind? 

Blessings,

Shantastic :)