Week 31: My heart still swells when you look at me

It seems like the media’s only way to portray a married couple with children is to make them unhappy strangers who don’t even know each other anymore. It’s a little disheartening at times especially when I witness the real thing through people I meet. Is that just what happens? You have kids, get lost in the madness, and forget to see the other person?

I hope I’m not being naïve about how hard it can be to raise children, but I refuse to settle for that. My husband is not just a human who sleeps next to me, takes turns changing diapers, and picks up milk and eggs on his way home from work. He’s my partner and my best friend. We don’t just coexist; we share our lives. Why does that change for so many people once they have kids?

A few years ago Seth and I had just watched a movie where the couple had children and let them become the center of their lives. In the aftermath of childrearing they realized they had let themselves grow apart so much that they felt like strangers. Seth said he thinks a huge part of the problem is that so many couples stop spending time together, separate from the kids. For five years of marriage life has been just the two of us. Even after the baby comes we still have to find ways to be just us.

Ever since we decided to start trying to have a baby I have been praying our marriage would not meet the expectations of popular media. With deciding to be Christians, every decision, every incredibly good thing and heart-wrenching thing that happens to us always comes back to God. I truly think that’s what helps keep us so connected. No matter how much we grow and change over the years, the foundation of our marriage is built on something that will never change. Honestly, I think if we were to take God out of our relationship, it would crumble. It may sound completely insane, but I think that’s a very good thing. 

After being together for six and a half years total my heart still swells when he looks at me with an expression of love. A couple days ago I had woken up from a nap and then made dinner. I have two very annoying cowlicks on my head that cause my hair to stick up in all directions even on a good day. After a nap it's so impossible to get my hair to lay straight that I've given up trying. I had my glasses on, and was wearing pajamas that are unfortunately getting a bit too snug on my belly. To sum up my appearance in one word would be that I was a mess. During dinner I was telling a very animated story, and as Seth pointed out when we were dating, I can’t talk without using my hands. As I was flailing my arms around I noticed he was just staring at me. It wasn’t just good eye contact; he was staring. I finished my story and then started feeling a bit self-conscious that his eyes were locked on me with the hint of a smile on his face. After a few seconds, he reached up and touched his hand to my cheek and said, “You are so adorable. I love you.” Even though I felt like a walking disaster, somehow he still saw someone he loves. No matter how stressful or challenging raising a child is, I will fight to keep being someone he can love through the mess.

It’s been close to 90 degrees here for the last week. It’s amazing how much carrying around a little fetus can make you irritable in the heat. I’m also learning my limits and trying to remind myself that it’s ok to lay down on the couch and take a nap if my body is begging me to. On Sunday I achieved something that I can only be proud of because I am 31 weeks pregnant. I took not one, but two naps.

The next time I get invited to a baby shower I am going to get the mom-to-be a giant family size bottle of Tums. I seriously had heartburn yesterday morning at 7:30a.m. after eating a bagel. Tums to the rescue!

Married with children folk: What's something you and your spouse still make sure you do together?

Pregnant ladies: Now that you know what it's like to be pregnant, what is the "lifesaver" gift you will give to your pregnant friends?

Blessings,

Shan :)