It seems like the media’s only way to portray a married
couple with children is to make them unhappy strangers who don’t even know
each other anymore. It’s a little disheartening at times especially when I
witness the real thing through people I meet. Is that just what happens? You
have kids, get lost in the madness, and forget to see the other person?
I hope I’m not being naïve about how hard it can be to raise
children, but I refuse to settle for that. My husband is not just a human who
sleeps next to me, takes turns changing diapers, and picks up milk and eggs on
his way home from work. He’s my partner and my best friend. We don’t just
coexist; we share our lives. Why does that change for so many people once they
have kids?
A few years ago Seth and I had just watched a movie where
the couple had children and let them become the center of their lives. In the
aftermath of childrearing they realized they had let themselves grow apart so
much that they felt like strangers. Seth said he thinks a huge part of the
problem is that so many couples stop spending time together, separate from the
kids. For five years of marriage life has been just the two of us. Even after
the baby comes we still have to find ways to be just us.
Ever since we decided to start trying to have a baby I have
been praying our marriage would not meet the expectations of popular media. With
deciding to be Christians, every decision, every incredibly good thing and heart-wrenching thing that happens to us always comes back to God. I truly think
that’s what helps keep us so connected. No matter how much we grow and change
over the years, the foundation of our marriage is built on something that will
never change. Honestly, I think if we were to take God out of our relationship,
it would crumble. It may sound completely insane, but I think that’s a very
good thing.
After being together for six and a half years total my heart
still swells when he looks at me with an expression of love. A couple days ago
I had woken up from a nap and then made dinner. I have two very annoying cowlicks on my head that cause my hair to stick up in all directions even on a good day. After a nap it's so impossible to get my hair to lay straight that I've given up trying. I had my
glasses on, and was wearing pajamas that are unfortunately getting a bit too
snug on my belly. To sum up my appearance in one word would be that I was a
mess. During dinner I was telling a very animated story, and as Seth pointed out
when we were dating, I can’t talk without using my hands. As I was flailing my
arms around I noticed he was just staring at me. It wasn’t just good eye
contact; he was staring. I finished my story and then started feeling a bit
self-conscious that his eyes were locked on me with the hint of a smile on his
face. After a few seconds, he reached up and touched his hand to my cheek and said, “You are so
adorable. I love you.” Even though I felt like a walking disaster, somehow he still
saw someone he loves. No matter how stressful or challenging raising a child
is, I will fight to keep being someone he can love through the mess.
It’s been close to 90 degrees here for the last week.
It’s amazing how much carrying around a little fetus can make you irritable in
the heat. I’m also learning my limits and trying to remind myself that it’s ok
to lay down on the couch and take a nap if my body is begging me to. On Sunday
I achieved something that I can only be proud of because I am 31 weeks
pregnant. I took not one, but two naps.
The next time I get invited to a baby shower I am going to
get the mom-to-be a giant family size bottle of Tums. I seriously had heartburn yesterday morning at 7:30a.m. after eating a bagel. Tums to the rescue!
Married with children folk: What's something you and your spouse still make sure you do together?
Pregnant ladies: Now that you know what it's like to be pregnant, what is the "lifesaver" gift you will give to your pregnant friends?
Blessings,
Shan :)