My baby has a peanut butter face.

I’m embarrassed to say it has been a year since my last blog post! What have I been doing the past 12 months? Changing poopies, confiscating boogies, nursing, feeding, …Living the dream!

To try and compress the last 12 months into one post is obviously impossible. Becoming a mom has given me a completely new purpose in life. When you love someone in your family, a spouse, or a friend you work really hard to put them before yourself. Sometimes that’s easy and sometimes it isn’t. But when you have a child, a completely helpless perfect little creation, the concept of putting someone else first becomes much easier. The second I saw my Gracie I knew…I value her life more than my own. Speeding bullet or racing train, I would throw myself in front of anything if it meant keeping her safe.  I don’t even have a clue what kind of person she will be when she grows up and you know what? It doesn’t matter. Whatever mistakes she makes, however badly she screws up in the future, my love for her will never change.

Did having a child help give me a better understanding of how God looks at us (His children)? Definitely.

I was cleaning out our bedroom this morning and I came across my box with all my old journals from high school and college. As I paused for a few minutes to page through my angst, sadness, heartache, and disappointments I realized I used to only write when I was hurt and confused. (Quite the change that now I seem to only write about the ooey gooey lovey doveyness of being a mom.)

As I read through little blurbs from my past I realized a harsh reality about life is that sometimes people will disappoint us.  An even harsher reality is knowing you have and will disappoint others too. That’s exactly why grace is such an indescribably beautiful concept. When God sees us for the first time He KNOWS what mistakes we’ll make and yet He can still look at us and say He loves us unconditionally. That’s pretty mind blowing. Even though God sees our heart and sees the ickyness we all have, I can’t forget that he sees the best parts of us as well. The times we do something selfless for another and don’t tell anyone else, the times we sacrifice something we want for a greater good, He sees it. He loves us.

After a few minutes of reading my journals I glanced up at Grace as she glided past me babbling to herself with her Winnie in hand.  She had peanut butter from breakfast smeared on her cheek and her pajamas smelled like pieces of leftover banana. I looked at this tiny little mess of a person and realized how cool is it that I love someone who has never disappointed me, never done anything to hurt another, and never said a harsh word to anyone else in her whole life. The even more amazing part is that I knew in that moment, and in every other moment I've looked at her, that even when she does grow up and make mistakes, hurt others, and disappoint people my love for her… will never change. I will choose to see it all (the good and the bad) and I will love her forever and ever.  My beautiful, perfect, and unperfect peanut butter face. 

Blessings,

Shan :)

P.S. If this is your first time here, please feel free to check out my blog archive on the right! Cozy up with a warm cup of coffee and get caught up on how Lil Miss Gracie has made my world a much better  place.