Grace hijacked my body!

Grace, my gorgeous baby girl, has arrived! The baby who hijacked my body is finally here!

Those of you who know me on a personal level know that Seth and I were convinced we were having a boy. We just had a "feeling". Most of our family was guessing boy, strangers looked at the shape of my belly and said boy, and one of the times the doctor listened to Grace's heartbeat he said, "sounds like a boy!"

There were things I was looking forward to about having either gender. If we would have had a boy I was excited to dress him up like a superhero and wear "little man suits" on Easter Sunday. For baby girls, there's just something about being able to dress a tiny human in a frilly dress that makes me so happy. The bottom line though was that I just wanted a baby and I was so excited either way. But because I thought we were having a boy I was excited for boy things and thought the little girl things would have to wait until baby number two or possibly never happen at all. When we were in the labor room we told the doctor and nurses we wanted Seth to tell me the gender when baby came out. If I could go back in time and sound record one moment of my life it would be Seth screaming with the most excited, happy, and surprised voice I have ever heard, "IT'S A GIRL!!!" We were both so in shock and so elated that our baby was finally here! She is absolutely perfect. So far, being a mom has surpassed any hope and expectation I had. I look at her and I am speechless.

Yesterday after I was done feeding her, I put her tummy on my chest and just watched her sleep. I ran my finger down her back and felt her tiny backbone, her shoulder blade. My eyes welled up with tears for about the billionth time as I praised God for giving me something so pure and so perfect. All week I had just been thanking God over and over for getting me through the delivery, for blessing us with a healthy baby, and for supportive family and friends. I was in so much awe that God would bless Seth and me with everything we've ever wanted. As I was admiring God's creation that snoozed on my chest, I realized that although God wants me to have a grateful attitude, He also wants me to embrace Him and enjoy Gracie together. I had been so focused on making sure I worship Him as my Creator and the Creator of my daughter, but I finally realized I serve a God who wants not just admiration from me, but a relationship as well. The tears that were pooling in my eyes spilled down my cheeks as I embraced the One who gave me Gracie and allowed myself to experience the joy of His gift together.

I'm saving my labor experience for next week because I need more time to write it all down. So for now I will leave you with some of the ways in which my body is still hijacked because of my beautiful Gracie.

My belly button is no longer "out"
My non-maternirty t-shirts still don't fit...not because of my enormous belly though. they don't fit for a new reason. Breastfeeding moms, do you follow??
I slept for a two hour chunk straight last night for the first time since she was born and when I woke up I felt like a bear waking up from hibernation. Two hours now feels like ten.
Yesterday I got to wear jeans for the first time in over two months. They zipped and I did a little dance!

My belly is significantly smaller but I keep examining it in the mirror and thinking, "Please tell me it's not done shrinking." I am definitely anxious to be back to my pre-baby size someday but I know it will take time.

Seth's parents are staying with us for a few more days and last night they offered to watch Grace if we wanted to go out into the real world together for a little date. We decided even though part of our hearts were screaming, "NEVER WILL WE LEAVE OUR SWEET BABY GIRL!" we knew it's something that would have to be done eventually and who better to leave her with for the first time than with a grandma and grandpa? We went to Target and thought it would be really special if we picked out a little outfit for Gracie now that we know we have a girl. It was so fun being able to focus our attention on who exactly we were shopping for. In the checkout lane I was telling Seth how I think my belly pooch looks like I am about four or five months pregnant and since I'm actually not pregnant I would like it to go away.  He was saying how funny it would be if a stranger asked me how far along I was and how embarassing it would be for them to tell them I had just had a baby. The woman at the check out was this little old Indian woman. She looked at the cute girly dress we had picked out for Grace and then said with a huge smile on her face, "When the baby coming??" I laughed and said, "She came on Monday!" She looked at my belly then back up at me and smiled very sheepishly. I smiled back at her and hoped she knew I wasn't offended. I thought it was hilarious.

I'm looking forward to sharing with everyone how God protected Grace and me during the delivery process. I'll leave you with a little teaser and say that if we had made a couple different choices, things could have been very dangerous for both of us.

I'll also leave you with a photo of Grace's first bath. She cried the entire time and enjoyed cuddling with her daddy afterwards.

Blessings and feeling very blessed myself,
Momma Shan :)

Week 40: A tuna sandwich told me I was pregnant

I wrote this blog post last week because I was hoping I would be too busy on Thursday to write an entry. I’ve been told they have wireless in the hospital so I thought if I already had week 40 written I could take a break between contractions and just hit ‘post new entry” and not have to skip a week. It turns out, I’m not busy at all. I know the majority of first time moms go past their due date so I’m really not surprised. Tomorrow is my due date and I have a feeling it might be a little anti-climatic! What can I say? I have a pretty awesome uterus. Why would anyone want to leave it?

This week I am giving you a flashback to the, “Oh my gosh we’re going to have a baby” moment that changed everything. 

It was the middle of December and Seth and I had recently started trying to get pregnant. I was on full alert with my body and paying attention to every little symptom. On around December 12^th I remember I made a lame joke to Seth that I was feeling a funny fluttering feeling on the left side of my uterus. I said it was either my body gearing up for menstrual cramps or our baby was attaching to the left side of my uterine wall. I was completely kidding about being able to feel the fertilized egg attach to my uterus. I was just trying to find a light-hearted way to tell Seth that I was pretty sure I was going to be getting my period soon.

However, throughout that week I noticed a couple more symptoms that were just enough to make me curious. I had two dizzy spells and when I was about to take a bite of my oatmeal on Wednesday I had a 20 second wave of nausea. Also throughout the week I kept feeling that same fluttering on my left side. On Thursday morning the fluttering was so strong that I started Googling what it could mean. Of course you can diagnose yourself with anything after doing an Internet search, so I was finding sources telling me I was feeling implantation cramps. It was a little hard to believe that I would actually be able to feel that happening, but I was hoping I was pregnant, so I didn’t want to completely discount it.

For dinner that night Seth made us Tuna sandwiches. I started feeling nauseous after I finished my sandwich but I didn’t think too much of it at first. I don’t eat Tuna very often so maybe it just wasn’t agreeing with me. Then my brain started going into a crazy overdrive as I started tallying up all the weird things that had been happening to me that week. I also realized I hadn’t felt any of the “day before” period cramps and my always punctual period was scheduled for the following day.

I decided on impulse that I would just go take a test so I could stop my brain from going crazy. I am one of those girls who always imagines how the significant events in my life will play out. When we started trying to get pregnant I envisioned all the different ways we could find out we were pregnant. Should I take the test without Seth so I could surprise him in an extravagant way? Should we take the test together and jump up and down simultaneously?

In my impulsive moment I didn’t tell Seth I was going to take a test because I figured I was just making everything up in my head. I thought I would take the test, see it was negative, and apologize afterward for wasting $8.00. I took the test and as I waited the two minutes for it to process I prayed and I remember saying, “Lord, the timing of this is in your hands and it’s ok if I’m not pregnant.” I was setting myself up for disappointment so I wouldn’t be too sad when it undoubtedly only had one pink line. I picked up the test and saw two very distinct lines. I remember I gasped, put my hand over my mouth, and smiled up at myself in the mirror as if I was celebrating with someone! It was so dorky!

When I ran out of the bathroom Seth was sitting in an armchair looking up sports scores. The poor guy got ambushed! I sprinted over to him and fell to my knees at his side. I was bawling as I shoved the test in his face. He did the fastest double take I have ever seen anyone do and said, “Huh? What is that? Wait? ARE YOU PREGNANT????” I just kept crying and shaking my head yes. He jumped up, threw his fists in the air and started running laps around the living room while he screamed, “WOOOOOOO!”

Since Seth’s parents live in San Diego and we wouldn’t be seeing them until closer to Christmas, he called them right away to share the news. We were going down to see my parents and brother the next day to celebrate Christmas so I hatched a plan of how we would tell them. I went out and bought three onesies and wrapped one up for each of them. When we got to my parents’ house I couldn’t even make eye contact with my mom. I just kept bouncing around from room to room waiting for my dad and brother to get home. My heart was racing with excitement and I felt like I was on the verge of just spilling everything to her.

Once my dad and brother arrived I tried to steer us to opening presents right away. I accessed the best “lying” skills I have and said Seth and I had a couple joke gifts that we should start with because they were just for fun. I said they all had to open them at the same time. My brother got his open first and I saw his eyes shoot up to me as his whole body started to jump off the couch. Then he saw my parents were still working on their wrapping paper and he froze waiting for them to finish. My dad got his open next and he exploded from his chair thrusting his onesie in the air. At this point my mom was getting really confused because she had seen my brother start to react and then was trying to figure out why my dad was crying. Then she looked back down at her box that was finally open and she started clapping and screaming.

Telling Seth and then telling my family were two of the best moments of my life. I have a feeling that there will be another moment to add to that list very soon. One of my dearest friends who is a mother of four sent me a text this week that said,  “There is nothing like this experience for a woman. You are going to be amazed at the love that pours over you and the fullness that you feel in your heart when you hold that precious baby.”

To say I am excited is a complete and total understatement.

What was it like for you when you got to share the big news?

To those of you who have joined me as I let my inner-monologue run wild, I want to say thank you. Writing this blog has been one of the most enjoyable parts of this whole pregnancy. It’s been such a treat to enjoy this life stage with you. I am going to continue writing every week and instead of writing about how my little one has hijacked my body, I will get to share with you how he/she has hijacked my life…in a good way.  

Blessings,

Shantastic