Goodbye first trimester. I won't miss you at all. You weighed me down and thoroughly kicked my butt. I will greatly welcome trimester number two and hope that I never see you again. So many times when I was feeling like barfing or just wanting more than anything else to crawl into bed and sleep for three days, I would catch eyes with one of my kids and go, Oh. That's why this is all worth it. This is all so worth it. Don't forget that Shan. Underneath all this nausea and fatigue is a new little life. He/She is peacefully riding those waves of sickness like a boss, growing like crazy and patiently waiting for the day to be born.
It has been a huge relief to finally be able to explain to my kids why I haven’t had as much energy as usual. So far my kids have adjusted beautifully to the news of their new sibling. I have had to give quite a few excuses to my daughter for why we can't do all the fun adventurous things she would like to do and I was a bit worried that she would start to get frustrated with me. One day she offered up the idea that I push them in the double stroller all the way to the creek so they could throw sticks in the water. Normally, that idea would have been met with enthusiasm and encouragement and we would have packed ourselves up and been on our way. But in my current state, the thought of pushing them anywhere in anything made me want to sob, run away, and hide in my bed. So, I had to think fast. I quickly said 'Orrrrr what if we bring the ball pit outside and put water in it??' I was thinking that way she would get something fun and different and I wouldn’t have to walk further than ten away from where I was standing at that moment. Perfect. Thankfully she bought it and squealed with delight. I’m trying so hard to keep them engaged and occupied but also know that sometimes popcorn and a movie at 10:30 in the morning will not ruin them. They will be fine.
Now that I can explain to Grace WHY I can’t do certain things anymore, I’m pleasantly surprised that she hasn't seemed resentful at all about it. Kids really are resilient. Yesterday morning I woke up and, once again, felt like I might be on the losing end of a nausea battle. I got the kids some breakfast, forced myself to eat something, and then just had to lay in the fetal position on the couch. I had promised the kids we would do bath time after breakfast (they really super love taking baths) so my daughter was confused why I was heading in the opposite direction of the bathroom. I told her I needed to lay down for a few minutes because my tummy was hurting. I assured her that after I rested then we would be off to bath time. Instead of whining and complaining, she gently curled herself next to me and put her head on my shoulder. She got it. I was so proud of her. After about ten minutes of resting, it felt like a switch was turned off in my stomach and I suddenly felt better. Of course I still felt the fatigue and exhaustion of pregnancy, but the roaring waves of nausea suddenly settled. I even felt this little bit of 'oomph' to get myself up and get my kids to the bath they were looking forward to. Once I got them both sudsing up in the tub, I stood and glanced out the bathroom window. My eyes soaked in the scene of our lush backyard and I let the relief of a calm stomach encircle me. I no longer felt like I was going to throw up. As most of you know, when you feel nauseous, the moments following when you feel normal again are so comforting. It's so lovely to not have your tummy be in turmoil. My eyes continued to sweep across our yard and the creek beyond and I started to thank God for this reprieve from my morning sickness. Then, the thought struck me. I wondered if someone had prayed for me and that's why I had felt better so instantaneously. With prayer, sometimes you never do find out if someone has prayed for you or not. But I felt content with having hope that maybe someone out there had lifted me up and that was why I felt so much better. I happily shrugged and thought that maybe I would never know, and that was ok. The sound of loud shrieks and laughter from my kids snapped me out of my thoughts and I turned to see them laughing uncontrollably. I couldn’t suppress the smile that engulfed my face as I watched them playfully splash each other and enjoy the warmth of the water.
Later that day when my husband came home he asked right away how I was feeling. He had asked me the same question when I woke up that morning and I had tried to put on a tough facade and said 'I'm just ok… but I'll be alright.' I had a feeling that he could see through the brave face I was trying to put on. When he asked me again at the end of the day, I told him that I had actually started out the day feeling really icky and then all of a sudden the nausea totally went away. He smiled and said, 'That's great Babe because I was praying for you all morning.'
The power of prayer.
I had someone tell me once that he thought we shouldn’t bother God with our small requests when there are so much bigger things that God has to take care of. But I think God cares about it all. I care about the big AND small things with my kids. I want to delight in them as they do big and exciting things like go to school for the first time. And I also care deeply about the small things, like watching them giggle as they enjoy each other’s company. God cared about my small thing too, enough to heal my morning sickness and allow me to enjoy watching my kids splash around in the tub instead of missing it because my head was hanging over a bucket.
God cares about it all.
Blessings,
Shantastic
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