My Baby Almost Broke my Toe

When people see Grace and me in public, they often chuckle as they ask me, “Is she always so energetic?” I can tell they are assuming that she must just be in an exceptionally good mood or particularly excited about the current events, but I always smile back and raise my eyebrows as I say, “Yes. Yes she is…always.” There are times when it really is so endearing. She'll be trying to tell me a story and she has to pace around in a circle (just like her dad) while her hands fly in the air giving life to her creative retelling of that day’s events (that part’s all me). Those are the times when I don't mind her source of boundless energy. I try to let those memories sink into my heart so that I'll have something to grab onto when her inability to stand still starts to wear on me.

As I mentioned last week, I just came home from a glorious, quiet, and STILL vacation. After having a week away from my kids, I knew I would have to spend some time rebuilding my tolerance level for certain things. The noise, the endless questions, and the never-ceasing movement. These things are largely just part of the deal. Kids are loud, they ask 100 million more questions than you want them to, and they’re always moving. However, with my daughter I sometimes feel like perhaps she was given an extra dose of noise, movement, and an overall zest for life. She’s the kind of person who runs around the living room doing laps and screaming, “MOM BOUGHT ME NEW TOOOOOOOTHPASTE!!” …So you see my struggle right? On the one hand I’m like, wow, what a gift it is to be so genuinely happy about the tiniest little thing. And the other half of me is frantically waving my arms in the air to try and get her attention and tell her to bring it down a notch. 

Shortly after we returned from our trip it was time step back into the normal routines of our lives. My husband headed off to work and I stared down at my little munchkins and realized there would likely be very little reading and crocheting that day. Since it was my first day “back at work”, how do you think my children were choosing to behave? Mmm. Yes. Lots of screaming, crying and me having to yell just so they could hear my voice above their own. I had decided the night before that we would go do something fun (brand new park complete with splash pad) so as they were attempting to upset the other in any way humanly possible, I was trying to shuffle them out the door. 

As we were finishing up getting ready, I finally convinced Grace that she needed to meet me in my bathroom so that I could put her hair into a ponytail. She (of course) shot away from me like a bullet, propelled herself into my room and then rounded the corner to throw herself into the bathroom. I followed quickly behind her and was planning on shutting us both in the bathroom. I knew that if I didn’t do this she would undoubtedly take off flying down the hallway the second I picked up the brush (remember, boundless energy). I turned into the doorway of the bathroom at the exact moment she decided that I must not have made it there fast enough and she would make her grand escape right then and there. As her shoe slammed into my toes I gasped for breath as I felt the crushing blow of a toenail completely breaking off. I instinctively threw my arms out onto my bed and stood there trying to breathe as the pain shot through my entire foot. I could hear her behind me shouting “SorrySorrySorry!!” which for some reason just made me even more annoyed. I could feel my patience completely shatter as I let out a guttural “UGHHHHHH!” up into the air. That obviously wasn’t a smart move because it released more emotions than I intended, and before I could stop myself I turned to her and said very sternly, “NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE!” I felt regret smack me in the chest before I had even finished. I immediately starting walking towards her as her face succumbed to the tears and pain she felt for hurting me. I told her I was sorry for raising my voice but she didn’t hear me. She threw her head up towards the ceiling and cried out, “I don’t want you to be mad at meeee.” I dropped down to her level and gently laid my hands on her shoulders. I waited a moment for her to look into my eyes and said, “Sweetie, I’m sorry I yelled. I’m not mad at you.” We hugged it out and like many kids, she recovered quickly by drawing in huge gusts of air and asking to see my ‘really bad owie.” I let her watch as I carefully cleaned my wound and then we both walked out of the bathroom together. 

About ten minutes later she was standing next to me while I changed my son’s diaper. As I finished helping him to his feet, I kept hold of his hands and slowly pulled him towards me for a hug. He obliged and I soon felt Grace’s arms swoop around both of us. She laid her head on Emmett’s shoulder and the three of us stood there silently enjoying each other’s embrace. Eventually, I giggled and whispered, “My babies.” and she replied, “Best mommy in the whole world.” My heart immediately twinged with pain because I thought, I don’t deserve that. I was clearly being a B- mom that day with my lack of patience and emotional outburst. 

But she said what she felt. She was choosing to see the best in me, to let the good outweigh the bad. 

None of us are perfect. We’re all just trying to be the best moms (and dads) we can for our kids. Somehow, at such a young age, my beautiful little girl can see that even though I make mistakes, I really am trying to be what she needs me to be. 

I’m going to choose to celebrate how she can find so much joy in such a small thing like a new tube of toothpaste. 

Here’s to trying to teach her to be the kind of person who can run and bounce throughout her life WITHOUT accidentally hurting people, and to not totally losing my cool when she (inevitably) loses control. 

And hey, toenails grow back, right? 

Blessings,

Shantastic