One of the most endearing things about my husband is that he loves superheroes. He’s not into collecting the comics but he gets lost in the stories of the characters. When we met I readily jumped on his “super” bandwagon because I knew fictional stories about people(and aliens) with superpowers would be full of rich storylines and exciting adventures. However, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I would get annoyed with my superheroes when they would pull their lame stunts like, “We can’t be together, it’s too dangerous.” I always wanted to throw my empty popcorn bowl at the tv and scream, “DUDE! You’re a freaking SUPERHERO! What could YOU possibly be afraid of??”
I, of course, would never deny Gracie my love like the superheroes often do. However, after looking into Grace’s eyes for the first time and feeling my heart double in size, I did finally start to understand where they were coming from. When Gracie entered my life she completely changed my understanding of what love really is. One of the most recent things she has taught me about love is that loving someone makes you vulnerable. When you have a child, the kind of love you feel makes you vulnerable to a point that your world would literally crumble into dust if anything bad ever happened to them. I think that must be why the Super guys are always trying to protect their gals by saying they can’t be together. If they openly love their leading ladies then they know their enemies will target the people they love, and that makes them vulnerable.
Obviously, with Grace I have a different situation than the Superheroes. I don't have to deny how much I love her. Thankfully I don’t have to distance myself from her because of a villainous bald guy who’s after me with a grudge. Grace is here, I love her, and by loving her, that makes me vulnerable. You know that gut-wrenching feeling of fear and worry you got the first time you let someone else watch your baby? That’s the kind of vulnerable I’m talking about. It’s irrational but it’s real. I wonder if the powerful superheroes worry about their leading ladies in the same way? Next to their super strength, speed, and magical talents, their loved ones probably look just as helpless as our babies do to us.
Some superhero’s origin stories detail the account of their initial struggle to accept their great responsibilities. With Gracie it’s been quite different; I’ve willingly accepted my calling of being her Supermom and protecting her the best I can. One of my Supermom responsibilities includes swooping in to save her as she is about to fall off the side of the couch. BAM! Supermom to the rescue! I’ll make sure your food isn’t too hot so you don’t burn the roof of your mouth! POW! Have no fear, mommy’s here!! I like being the one to “protect and serve” her, but sometimes I find myself wishing I had an energy source like Clark Kent does, something that could keep me from worrying about her all the time. When he is weak, all he needs is a quick dose of energy from the sun and he’s back to fighting crime with a force. How am I supposed to keep up with my Super-duties when she starts to venture off into the world? What about when she goes off to school? I’m pretty sure Supermom doesn’t get to tag along to Kindergarten.
I recently heard a humorous quote where a writer was asked, “After becoming a parent, at what point do you stop worrying about your kids?” The response that was given was the same response I think most parents would say, “never.” Worrying about your kids will probably always be every parent’s longest standing battle. Instead of defeating “bad guys” like the Superheroes I often find myself locked in a ring with my arch nemesis: worry.
I try to conquer my worry by being her Supermom, but I hate to admit that I don’t possess the superpower to conquer it on my own. Left to my own devices I would allow myself to be completely consumed with worrying about her. I’ve always struggled in my life with trying to not worry too much and my love for her has made me even more vulnerable to it. I’m finally starting to realize that I need a source that comes from outside myself. In the same way that the energy from the sun fuels Clark’s superpowers, I crave something in the Heavens that is bigger than myself. I believe I can finally conquer my worrying ways if I seek God and rely on Him to help me conquer my great enemy. Do you remember how I was talking earlier about how much I love Grace? How my world would cease to exist if anything ever happened to her? A mind-blowing truth that I believe in is that God loves her even more than I do. Why should I worry if the God who created the entire universe loves my little girl more than I will ever understand? Worry may be my Kryptonite, but God is my sun.
Epilogue: Oosta! This week’s post was a little heavy! I kept keeping my eyes open for a fun moment so that I could share a lighter perspective of motherhood this week but this idea of a love-induced vulnerability kept weighing on my heart. Maybe deep down I wanted to express it because I secretly wanted to know if I’m the only one who struggles with worrying for her child. I can't be, right? So, other moms and dads out there, do you ever wish you could just keep your kid locked up in a perpetual bubble of safety? Of course, I know that you have to live to grow, you have to hurt to heal, but oh…the worry that tries to creep in….I would never make it through the day if I didn’t have my sun.
Blessings,
Shantastic
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