Week 28: Waddling Without a Stroller at the Zoo

This week Seth and I are visiting family in San Diego, the city with perfect weather, beautiful beaches, and driveways lined with palm trees. It's a nice place to "have" to go visit. We have to see our family right? We lived in San Diego for four years so it’s been like visiting our second home.

Our trip happened to land on our five-year anniversary, which is this Saturday. We decided since we were already finding ourselves in one of the most beautiful cities in America during our anniversary, we should celebrate it here. For our mini vacay we booked a hotel downtown that overlooked the bay and transitioned from being San Diego natives into tourists. I suppose our anniversary celebration could also be considered a “Babymoon” since this was our last vacation before becoming parents. For me everything has been all about the “last time”. This is the last time we’ll fly alone. This is last time we won’t have to be that couple with the screaming baby that no one wants to sit next to. And this is the last time we’ll go on vacation together without missing our child terribly.

Even though I can feel myself becoming impatient with having to wait for little one to come, having time to mentally prepare is actually very conducive to my personality. I like to be able to process major life changes and savor the way things are so that I don’t resent it when it all changes.

This trip has definitely been an opportunity for me to delight in just having to worry about myself. At the airport we had a relatively easy check in experience and I turned to Seth and said, “I hope you enjoyed that.” He raised his eyebrows at me as if to say, “What are you talking about?” I answered his voiceless question by saying, “Next time we go through check in and security it ain’t gonna be so easy!” I then mimed trying to carry a baby in a Baby Bjorn and push a stroller while carrying a diaper bag. He reminded me we are a team and I won't have to do it alone. Then he called dibs on carrying the baby. 

We got to enjoy many more babyless moments on our “Babymoon”. On Tuesday we went to the famous San Diego Zoo. I enjoyed getting to hold Seth’s hand the entire time, see my favorite animal, the giraffe, eat when I was hungry and rest when I was tired. After about five hours I was so exhausted that I succumbed to the pregnancy waddle, but it was totally worth it. Even though I was savoring my moments of independence I kept smiling to myself as I observed all the families with small children and envisioned what my new future might be like. I know Brendon was doing the same thing because at one point he chuckled and said, “All these moms probably think I’m checking them out..but I’m really checking out their strollers.”

Even though I keep thinking about what I’m “giving up” I know I’m going to take one look at our baby and wonder how on earth I ever lived my life without him/her. I'll gladly give up my selfish ways in order to gain a relationship with my child. The next time I go to the zoo I’ll get to see it through the eyes of my long-awaited little one. I’ll no longer be as excited to see the giraffes. Instead I’ll be anxiously watching my child's face light up as he/she sees his/her favorite animal.

I was watching my belly last night as little one went absolutely crazy. I seriously felt and saw a limb push my belly up on one side and slide all the way over across the entire length of my tummy. I was speechless.  It’s just so seriously cool that there is a little person growing in there! 

Blessings,

Shantastic :) 

Week 27: Two-thirds can make you crazy

I’ve always been a little scared of the third trimester. That’s when you see the pregnant women with sweat dripping down their forehead as they try to do the simplest tasks like put on their shoes. I also feel like the third trimester is when women start to tell you how it really is. If there ever was a pregnancy “glow” it’s most definitely gone by the time they hit the seven-month mark. Earlier this week I tried to complete a task that should have taken 3 minutes and ended up taking over 20. There wasn’t even the slightest glimmer of a glow on me that day. The family I nanny for just recently lowered sweet baby girl’s crib, which however necessary, also means I have the daunting task of trying to bend over far enough to be able to reach her. Yesterday I had to attempt to change her crib sheet. No matter what I did I just couldn’t reach far enough! I became the stereotype. Beads of sweat forming on my face, grunting as I tried to reach just far enough to grab the mattress. How my life has changed.

I’ll be saying goodbye to my nanny family at the end of July so I can be a stay at home mom. I’ve already cried multiple times when I think about saying goodbye to sweet baby girl. When I have a four-day weekend I honestly miss her. I’ll be out running errands and wish I could hear her cute, little babbles from her car seat. It’s really helped me to realize that I’m ready to be a mom, because the idea of having a little one around me all time doesn’t feel like an inconvenience. It feels natural.

Not only have I enjoyed creating a relationship with baby girl, but I’ve gained some pretty invaluable insight into the logistics of motherhood. For example, when she sneezes a mouthful of baby food carrots all over my face, it no longer fazes me. Another time I realized I had been walking around for over 30 minutes with spit up caked in my hair. These otherwise disgusting events are just another day at the office for me.

When gross things happen, it’s pretty amazing how much our maternal instincts take over and all we care about is making sure the baby is ok. One time she had an upset tummy and puked with what seemed like the force of a small volcano all over my only pair of jeans that fit. I didn’t care about how disgusting it was to be sitting in a stinky mess. All I remember is my heart aching as I looked at her tear streaked cheeks and saw her sad eyes looking back at me hoping I would have a solution for her discomfort.  

After 10 years of working with children and ultimately having to say goodbye to them at some point, I finally will have a relationship that is permanent. I’ll be cleaning up baby puke out of my hair that actually belongs to my baby. For some crazy reason I have chosen the boogers, diapers, and sneezes.  Bring it on baby. Bring. It. On.

Crazy third-trimester emotional breakdown of the week:

The other day I reached the epitome of emotional craziness. I literally had a mental breakdown when my eggs stuck to the pan and there was no longer even a remote possibility that they would be “over easy”. I completely lost it. I was pacing, screaming at the pan, and clenching my fists to my forehead. At first Seth thought I was just joking and being dramatic. Then I saw worry start to creep across his face as he realized I genuinely was that angry at my eggs. He hovered for a minute or two in that delicate balance of is it ok to laugh right now because she is being so ridiculous or do I need to try and figure out how to help her? He decided to go for the safer option and offered to make me a new batch of eggs.

Baby is getting big enough now (about 2 pounds) that when he/she kicks and moves I can actually feel limbs moving and twisting! It’s not just random bubbles anymore. We’ve also been able to push on my belly and feel the baby creating resistance! 

Come one ladies, it's time to share your own pregnancy related emotional meltdowns! Did ruined eggs set you off too?

Blessings,

Shantastic :)